You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize