your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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