the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
