i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
