well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
