ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
