She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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