I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
