Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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