Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
