Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize