She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
