i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
