I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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