I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
