i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
