Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sarcasm needs its own font
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
