I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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