Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
