No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
