Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
