How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize