I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
