we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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