He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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