Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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