I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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