You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
