i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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