that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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