My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
