I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
