i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize