I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
