the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it because I queefed?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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