Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
