Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
