I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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