someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
