would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
