I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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