and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
