Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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