woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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