okay pat passed out under dana's car
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
