fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
