This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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