morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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