he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
