Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
