also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I did not marry a roomba.
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