3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
