Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
