I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm always down for nudity.
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