Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
