How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize