you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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