i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
