it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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