we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
