i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
