you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
