She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
