That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
