I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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