So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
