I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
