i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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