the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
