I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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