It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
